


cheers, here's to gravity

by weasleyey (svpportive)



Series: pact™️ verse [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, F/M, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Humor, M/M, Marauders' Era, Marlene/Dorcas cause u can't stop me, T for language but thats abt it!, The Pact™, eh, god theyre such idiots, peters in it for a whole second but heres ur warning lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 09:58:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15816597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/svpportive/pseuds/weasleyey
Summary: He takes the aged sticky note with the terms of The Pact out of his pocket and tosses it at Remus. “We exchanged a bit of blood and sealed it, and now it’s come to bite me in the arse for no other reason than James is a stubborn idiot.”James and Sirius made a blood pact when they were thirteen. Ten years later, it's up to Remus to find a solution that won't completely blow up in their faces.





	cheers, here's to gravity

**Author's Note:**

> Gay Panic is a real syndrome both me and sirius suffer from it, this fic is dedicated to all the other victims out there! i support u!
> 
> anyways, this fic has been a favorite idea of mine, and i'm very eager to have it Out There. thanks to jess as always, and neha for reminding me about tenses, and all of my friends who've long since stopped caring about harry potter but still put up with my tears over the marauders.

 

Sirius wouldn’t call himself much of a morning person. In school, it would often take his friends multiple tries (and threats) to get him out of bed in time for breakfast. However, in the time since then he’s grown to appreciate the rare instances when he wakes up before everyone else, giving him a quiet and tranquil time to reflect without disruption. Plus, there’s nothing like some hot tea and honey first thing in the morning.

Of course, disruption is a hard thing to avoid when one is friends with James Potter, and as the appointed _best_ friend of twelve years, it lie to Sirius to deal with him when he bursts into his flat that day.

James enters with a soft bang as the door hit the wall behind it and the force propels it shut, but he pays no heed as he walks right up to Sirius, exclaiming gravely, “We have a dilemma.”

Twelve years of experience makes that neither the first nor the ninth time that Sirius has heard that phrase in the place of a greeting. He merely nods solemnly. “Well? Lay it on me.”

James takes a deep breath, “I’m gonna ask Lily to marry me.”

Sirius sets his tea down. This is big news. “You’re gonna do it?”

“I’m gonna do it!”

It’s only then that he notices the state of his best friend. He’s in a suit, ready to go to his internship at his dad’s law firm, but looks like he’d just run a mile from the sweat on his forehead and the look of his hair. Obviously just the thought of proposing was made him frenzied, though he still manages to look overjoyed, smiling like an absolute loon.

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, but this morning really sold me. I mean, I tried to tell her I loved her while leaving just now and she threw a pillow at me for waking her up. That’s when I knew! She’s the only one for me, Pads.”

“That’s incredible, mate! I’m happy for you, even if it does mean the tragic and untimely death of your bachelorhood.”

James snorts. “As if I had much of a bachelorhood. I’ve been pining for Lily for as long as I can remember.”

James and Sirius (as well as Remus and Peter) met when they were 11, at the posh boarding school where they shared a dorm and became fast friends. That’s where James had first met Lily as well, and while it was love at first sight for the former, the latter hated him until they ended up at the same university by chance. They began dating in their last year, and have been going steady for the past two.

Sirius wrinkles his nose. “Still, what’s left of it will perish. What’s the dilemma then, when are you gonna ask her?”

James sits down hard. “That’s just it, Pads,” he rifles through his pocket for a second before retrieving what looks to be a sticky note, and throws it down on the table. “I can’t.”

Sirius takes a seat too, reaching for the sticky note. He takes one cursory look at it before shaking his head, “This better not be what I think it is.”

James just grimaces in response.

He doesn’t even need to read it to know what it is. “James, no. This is the dumbest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

His friend merely shrugs. “We promised! So I’ll just sit tight until you meet someone, you know… marriage material.”

“You can’t be serious!” A pause, as James mouths _JAR_ and points to the jar on the mantle for when they say that word or make the joke. At the end of the year they use the money to get ice cream. Sirius shakes his head and presses forward, “Don’t put your own happiness on hold just cause I’m alone! This is exactly what your thirteen year old self _wouldn’t_ want!”

“You’re my brother. And we made a commitment to each-“

“Yeah. Ten years ago, Prongs! It doesn’t matter anymore!”

James just shrugged again and stood up. “A blood pact’s a blood pact, mate. I have to go, I’m gonna be late for work. We‘ll talk about this later but know that I’m not budging. Oh, and tell Moony I said hi!”

And he swept out as fast as he had rushed in, before Sirius could even think of a response.

He just sits there for a while, processing and sipping his long forgotten tea. It was some kind of fruity one that Peter must’ve left, and didn’t taste so good cold.

“Was that James?”

Remus’ voice startles him out of his thoughts. He nods, and watches his friend reset the kettle. “Morning. And yeah it was, he was in a tizzy.”

Remus snorts, but shoots him a smile that Sirius returns. “This early? Usually he waits until after breakfast before his first fit of the day.”

The two of them had been flatsharing since the end of university, when Remus moved out of student housing and finally took Sirius up on the offer. Sirius’ half of the rent was technically paid by his nice but distant Uncle Alphard, and he just lied about how much Remus owed him when the other man tried to give him his share. They both pretended the other didn’t know, and it was a good system, all things considered. It’s worked for almost two years now.

He’s just about to make a witty retort at James’ expense when the door opens unexpectedly a second time and Lily walks in, closing the door shut behind her. She has a calculating expression and eyes the room suspiciously before focusing on the two of them. Sirius grabs the sticky note still on the table and shoves it into his pocket.

“Good morning.”

“Hello Evans. To what do we owe the pleasure this fine Wednesday-” he looks to Remus for assurance, and at his headshake amends, “Thursday morning?”

“Morning, Lily. I just put the kettle on, would you like some?”

Lily nods and smiles tightly in thanks, unknowingly taking the seat her boyfriend had vacated only ten minutes before. “Hi. I stopped in cause I knew you have your 10am shift today Remus, and I wanted to speak to both of you.”

Sirius didn’t have to look at his roommate to know that his eyebrow was raised.

“About what?” Remus asks.

Lily looks down at her lap, where she’s fiddling with her keys. “It’s stupid really. But um, have either of you noticed James acting rather strange lately? Stranger than usual, I mean. It’s like he’s tiptoeing around me at all times. And he’s weirdly tense.. I want to know if it’s some sort of prank you lot are pulling so I can put myself at ease. ”

They share a look; Sirius, a little guilty, and Remus mostly confused. They both shake their heads. Lily continues.

“I don’t know what it is, but it can’t spell anything good. It’s like he flinches at any topic of monogamy or children or the future, and its putting me all out of sorts.” She looks to the two of them, almost desperately, before saying in a rush. “You don’t think- oh god is he having second thoughts? We’ve been together two years now, but maybe he’s getting bored of me? I remember what he was like in school-“

_Prongs, you absolute idiot._

Again, Remus speaks for them both, cutting her off, “Lily, oh no Lily no. He would never be bored of you, that’s impossible. He loves you. I’m sure it’s nothing bad.”

Sirius nods in agreement. “He’s mad for you, Evans, always has been. You know what he’s like, for we all know it’s something daft and football related. It’s probably nothing, but I’ll talk to him.”

Lily still looks a little disbelieving, but seems to accept their words anyway, standing up. “Thanks so much. Sorry Remus, but could I get this tea in a paper cup? Only I’ve got a meeting with my editor this morning and didn’t get a chance to grab a cuppa before I got here.”

He obliged her, and within a minute she was gone, the door shutting quietly behind her. The second it does, Remus turns on him.

“What do you know?”

Sirius knew his efforts to act clueless would be in vain, yet he tries it anyways. “Er, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Is it related to whatever Prongs was in a tizzy about this morning?” Remus asks, and he pokes his shoulder, _hard_.

He concedes. “Kind of. James says he wants to plan on proposing.”

Remus frowns at the wording. “What do you mean, ‘wants to plan on’. That makes no sense, why doesn’t he just- wait. Sirius what did you do?”

He should take offense to how quickly Remus turned on him, but the guilt wins out.

“Well Moony, it’s a bit of a long story and-“ Remus gives him a hard look. He changes tactics. “Okay technically this one isn’t my fault. Do you remember in our third year, when I got my first kiss?”

Remus looked confused but nods. “Sure. You bragged about it for a month.”

“Then you’ll remember that I was the first one to get my first kiss. And that _terrified_ James. You know how that boy was born wanting to be married with 20 kids.

“Well somehow me kissing Linda Turpin behind the greenhouses convinced James that he would never find love, and that night he made me make a pact that neither of us could get married before the other.”

Remus opens his mouth, but Sirius barged on before he can start, “Obviously when we came to the next morning we realized the glaring flaw in that plan, and as we both agreed that double weddings were tacky, we changed it so that one of us couldn’t get married without the other at least happy and in line to get married himself.”

He takes the aged sticky note with the terms of The Pact out of his pocket and tosses it at Remus. “We exchanged a bit of blood and sealed it, and now ten years later it’s come to bite me in the arse for no other reason than James is a stubborn idiot.”

Remus mulls it over, connecting the dots. “And now Lily is taking James’ skittishness as him having second thoughts, when really it’s over being held back by a pact you both made when you were 13.”

Sirius nods solemnly. This _was_ a dilemma. “What am I going to do? Prongs is a moral bastard who won’t get married until I’m at least engaged or close to it, and I haven’t met somebody decent in ages!”

This wouldn’t have been a problem before. Sirius hasn’t dated in well over a year however, ever since he’d started having some thoughts that rather soured the idea of dating strangers, and his once frequent one night stands were now few and far in between. He looks down at the table, not wanting to make eye contact, as if Remus could read his thoughts.

Remus is silent for a minute. Maybe a minute and a half. Despite himself, Sirius starts to hope. In school, whenever they were at the very edge of getting caught or when they needed something to tie a whole prank into fruition, it was always Remus who came in at the last minute and offered a solution; a well placed lie here or a particularly sneaky tweak there was all it took for him to put everything together and fix the issue.

He finally opens his mouth, and Sirius can’t help but sit up in anticipation. “I- I might have an idea. But, just give me- I’ll need to think about it.”

With that, Remus stands up, dropping his cup into the sink and disappearing into his room to get dressed.

“Wait what?” Sirius follows him, leaning on the doorway and not even blinking as Remus takes off his shirt and hunts around for a clean one suitable for work. They shared a room for seven years, after all, and it wasn’t like the four of them have ever had proper boundaries anyway.

“I’m saying I might have a plan,” he cuts himself off as his face disappears within the shirt, but resumes once his head pops out of the collar, “but it is very _very_ stupid, and I need some time to fully break it down in my head while I’m at work before I tell you”

“Well why don’t you just tell me now, and I’ll break it down as well and when you get back we can both share notes!”

Remus gives him a good glare, but as he’s currently trouserless, it fails in its intensity. “Because Sirius, you are very desperate for a solution right now, and have a long history of jumping into ill-fated plans simply because they are convenient.”

He’s got him there.

“But still. Moonyyy,” he whines, but at this point he knows it’s pointless. Remus was buttoning his jeans, his decision made.

“Don’t _Moonyyy_ me. I’ll tell you what it is when I get home okay? Let me mull it over first, cause this idea has the potential of being stupider than any idea we’ve come up with before, and I should at least make an attempt to weigh the pros and cons first.”

Sirius lets out a defeated breath, for dramatics’ sake more than anything else. “Alright.”

Remus smiles at him and oh- he’s closer than Sirius realized. He also has his hand on Sirius’ shoulder. “Alright. Thanks, Pads. I’ll be seeing you then.”

Sirius just nods and looks down, cause at this close he kind of has to angle his head up to look at Remus, and that makes his stomach tingle. Remus pats him on the arm once before moving past him in the doorway. A moment later, the door to the flat closes shut, leaving him alone with the thoughts of the past hour.

Maybe he didn’t like mornings so much after all.

 

* * *

 

Sirius spends the next couple of hours in the same fashion he does most weekdays when all his friends are busy at work and he’s busy being “charmingly unemployed” on the couch. He naps, streams three hours of some awful, trashy soap opera, makes a bowl of popcorn for lunch, and rereads a few chapters of _Pride and Prejudice_.

Other than a brief interruption when Peter sends him yet another long WhatsApp chain message, he’s alone with his thoughts, and therefore free to fret over The Pact that James is obstinately making them keep. By the time Remus returns from his shift at the bookstore, he’s grown impatient of both Mrs. Bennett and trying to come up with an answer that didn’t somehow relate to fleeing the country.

He looks up from the couch, not even bothering to mark his page when he sets the book down. “Well?” he asks Remus, expectantly.

Remus drops his bag on the floor unceremoniously. His tawny curls are in a light disarray and he’s biting his lip. His sweater sleeves are stretched well over his hands and hide his fingers.

He’s nervous. Sirius raises an eyebrow. Of course he is, he’s likely been overthinking about whatever this plan was the entirety of his five hour shift.

“I’m just going to come right out with it then.” he’s shaking a little. “I think we should fake an elopement.”

A beat passes, before Sirius registers that he’s not joking.

“Are you serious?”

Remus nods almost gravely except for how fast it is, and takes a seat on the couch, moving Sirius’ feet. It’s a testament to how tense they are that neither of them mentions the jar. “Let’s pretend to get married. It’ll throw James off your back about this whole pact business, and we won’t have to tell Lily the reason that he’s been so odd lately, cause by that time he’ll propose and our- er, secret relationship or I don’t know. We’ll make something up. Anyways it’ll be old news by then.”

“No no, they’ll know something is up immediately. Or at least Prongs will. It’d be all too convenient for us to go off and say we’re married right after he brought up The Pact and me needing a suitor.”

Remus doesn’t look dispirited, only gaining speed, “That’s why we elope. I’ve been thinking about it, and we could just say we got a little drunk and hashed it out. That the constant pining and hiding started taking its toll and we decided to just you know, go for it.”

Sirius stares at him. “Why would we be hiding it enough to elope though?”

 _It_ being of course, their hypothetical relationship.

Remus shrugs. “I don’t know, maybe we wanted to keep it to ourselves? Point is, even if James does see through us, he can’t say anything outright cause it’ll bring up The Pact and Lily will know that he wants to propose.”

“You’re right,” Sirius says, “this is a very _very_ stupid plan.”

“Yeah I know, usually that’s your department.”

Sirius swats at him, but Remus pushes his hands away and faces him more fully. “So? What do you say, Padfoot? Cause I honestly can’t think of anything better.”

They’d have to pretend they had a more than platonic relationship with everybody, most of all with James, Lily, and Peter. Would he be able to pull that off? Being married, however phony of a marriage it was, was a large step. Especially with the teeny crush Sirius had on the other man growing harder and harder to ignore with every passing day. Spending that much time trying to sell this lie to all their friends would take its toll eventually.

But then he thinks of the blissed our expression on James’ face when talking about proposing, Lily’s panic this morning, and finally the solid, calming brown eyes as Remus watches Sirius slowly consider his proposition.

It’d be worth it, to make his dearest friends happy. And in exchange he’d get to spend time with his best friend too. Maybe even find out what planting one on him would be like. He ignores that last thought.

Sirius takes a deep breath. “Okay. Let’s do it.”

 

* * *

 

When planning the elaborate pranks they were known for throughout school, each of the stylized _Marauders_ had their own specific role that they played in order to achieve maximum success. James, naturally, was the leader, as he was often the one that decided who the victim(s) were and the premise for what they would be doing. He directed and and delegated. Sirius, as the one with the most theatrical mind, was the one who dreamed up the scenarios for how they got the materials, and the lies and alibis they’d be needing. Peter was lookout, and usually, the distraction as well, cause even after years spent with the other boys most people still thought him harmless. They used that. And finally Remus, who was the one who tied all their plans together, elevating their mischief to brilliance, and offering solutions to catch any loose ends that could lead to disaster.

They were a team that worked, and therefore wreaked sheer havoc on their school.

Although for this scheme they were down to two Marauders rather than the usual four and a half (for when Lily stooped down to their level and offered a suggestion or two), Sirius was now confident in the plan they’d concocted to outwit The Pact.

For the next four days, they were going to Remus’ mom’s cottage in Wales, where they would hide out and cut off all contact with their friends. Here, they would waste time as their friends grew worried, until they returned and initiated Phase Two, and “confessed” to them all together that they’d gotten married. That during their time away from the city they had realized what was in front of them all along, and that their relationship was ready for the next level. That _they_ were ready for the next level, to stop hiding so childishly and announce to the world how in love they are.

Maybe he ought to feel less giddy about lying and playing with his friend’s emotions.

The train jostled, breaking Sirius’ musings and making Remus’ head slip from where he was sleeping on his shoulder. Sirius moves and angles himself slowly, to provide him with a better headrest. Remus’ penchant for falling asleep on any moving vehicle really shouldn’t be as endearing as it was.

He returns to staring out the window, lest he do something daft like run his hand through Remus’ hair. It was soft, not as coarse as Sirius’ could sometimes be, and on nice days where they’d go for picnics in the park, Remus would use his leg as a pillow as they read and allow Sirius to play with his curls, to smooth them back and watch as they sprung back down.

Sirius clears his throat, and tries to focus more on the countryside racing by in front of him, rather than thinking anymore about his platonic friend’s hair. He checked the time when he spots great herds of sheep grazing fly by. They’d be there soon, maybe he ought to wake Remus up.

Remus, who’s eyelashes flutter softly as he dreams and the sunlight drifts in to hit him directly.

He pushes those bothersome thoughts aside and straightens his posture, poking at Remus’ side. “Hey, hey, Moony. We’ll be there soon.”

“W- Huh,” Remus blinks awake, sitting up and rubbing at his eyes, squinting as he leaned past Sirius to look out the window, “already?”

Almost on cue, the conductor comes on the speaker and announces their station. Sirius smiles. “Looks like it, pal.”

Sirius loves Remus’ house. Of course, he’s always felt at home at the Potters’, even before he ran away and moved in, but there was something very homey and just uniquely _Remus_ about his flatmate’ childhood home that made it special. Whether it was the sheer amount of books that were fitted into every nook and cranny of the small cottage or Remus’ father’s old records that remained in pristine condition, it was its own kind of wonderland.

Most of all though, it had Remus’ mother, who was both warm and shrewd at once, in the most delightful manner. Hope Lupin also seemed to be where Remus inherited his acidic sense of humor, which only endeared her more to Sirius.

“Sirius! How are you, son? It feels like ages since I last saw you.”

Hope hadn’t been able to meet them at the station, her knee condition preventing her from driving, but she still eagerly meets them at the door, and they all trade hugs before Sirius can answer properly.

“I’m well ma’am, and how are you? And it must’ve been Easter I think, cause James’ folks went to Greece. I believe I bribed Remus here in order to spend time with you instead.”

Hope, as she’d adamantly told him to call her back when he was 14, hits him lightly on the arm but smiles broadly. “Well do come in! I don’t know what I’ve done to earn this surprise visit but I won’t pretend to not be overjoyed. You know how I worry about the two of you alone in that big city.”

Remus rolls his eyes as they follow Hope into the kitchen and sit down at the table as she returns to whatever she was baking. “We’re not _alone in the city_ , ma. We’ve got our friends and each other, plus we’ve been doing it for years now.”

Hope scoffs, “So what, I’m not allowed to worry about you then? Now Sirius, did you see that last episode of that trashy soap you mentioned last time? Cause I’ve been keeping up with it ever since and I for one cannot _believe_ that that twat Ashley thinks she has a chance with him after the whole brain surgery!”

Conversation devolves from there, Sirius happy enough to share his thoughts about the horrid soap opera they both watched.

Over the next few days Sirius enjoys the change of pace that Swansea, Wales brings. Remus takes him to see the bay, a pier, Oystermouth Castle, and the steps of a museum that Sirius refuses to enter on principle. It’s great fun, spending time with Remus and playing tourist, going back to his old haunts and hearing stories of a childhood that ran almost parallel to his own.

It’s even more fun when they got back, and Sirius would check his phone to see the flurry of notifications that started with _ur flat is locked, wtf_ and (3) Missed Calls each from James, Lily, and Peter.

By their last day, even Marlene has left them a voicemail or two demanding to know where they were, and that makes Sirius laugh out loud when he sees it.

“He got Marlene to call you too?” Remus asks, entering his childhood bedroom where they’d both been spending their nights. The bed was big enough to share, and after knowing each other this long it wasn’t a boundary they made a big deal about crossing. Still, it took Sirius an extra hour to sleep every night, unused to the breathing so close to his chest and the extra warmth beside him. It took him even longer to sleep as he refused to reconcile he how much he relished it.

Sirius taps his phone against his other hand. “Yup. They must be really worried.”

Remus quirks a brow. “And by your devious grin, that’s good news?”

Sirius’ grin grows larger, and he falls back on the bed and rolls to face Remus in time to catch his poorly bitten back smile. “Of course it is. Means everything’s going according to plan. In fact, we’re even ahead of schedule cause they realized we were gone a day earlier than we thought they would.”

Remus sits down at the edge. “You seem less tense than I expected.”

Sirius shrugs, “I guess it hasn’t hit me yet. Right now it just feels like we’re on vacation with your mum and I’ve blocked James on my phone again to make him squirm.”

Remus chuckles, and lies down when Sirius pats the seat next to him. He now has to look through his peripheral to see him clearly.

“Yeah I suppose it’ll feel more real once we get back and enact Phase Two. Still, you’re not nervous?”

Sirius turns his head to see Remus properly. His expression is unreadable, but his eyes search Sirius’ for any hint of nervousness. “A little,” he concedes, “mostly because I’m unsure of whether they’ll see right through us.”

Remus lets out a breath. “Yeah that’s been bugging me too. But I think we can pull it off.”

“You think so?” Sirius’ voice is barely a whisper. He didn’t realize how close together they’d gotten on the bed. They’re now facing each other, very close, and making some pretty intense direct eye contact.

“Yeah, I think so.” Remus makes no attempt to move away, responding just as quietly. If Sirius wanted to kiss him, all he’d have to do was angle his face a little to the right to avoid hitting Remus’ nose and maybe a aim a little lower if he wanted to-

“Remus! Sirius! Come help with dinner!” Hope’s voice calls from downstairs, breaking the tension. Remus sits up, and yells back to her that they were coming.

Sirius clears his throat, sitting up as well. “I’ll be down in a minute, can you tell her?”

Remus nods. “Sure, but any longer and she’ll start yelling again, you know her.” Sirius gives him a half-hearted smile before he leaves, pulling the door behind him.

He’s got to get this- this _crush_ , under control. It was messing with his emotions and could threaten their plan. It’s been popping up more and more lately, whenever Remus would nudge him to catch his attention, or when the sun would hit his eyes a certain way, or he made a snarky comment about a person they met in town. That almost addictive _swoop_ sensation that accompanied just looking at Remus refused to go away, and it was getting out of hand.

It was all this thought about marriage in conjunction with Remus that had him feeling this way. Before, the crush had been manageable. The _swooping_ wasn’t as frequent cause above all Remus was his best friend and flatmate, and as someone with eyes he was bound to notice how attractive his friend was. It was only natural. That feeling was controllable, could be tampered down and had been in fact, for the past three years. But the tone of his relationship with Remus had changed, and his feelings with it.

Could he be- no, it was impossible to fall in love with someone within only five days, that was the stuff of movies. But, he realizes abruptly, running a hand through his hair, he’s been having trouble containing his affection for Remus for far longer than just this trip. There’s a reason it was harder to stamp out his feelings now than when he’d first confronted himself about them.

He was in love with Remus. _Love_ love. Real, proper James-and-Lily love.

This was a dilemma.

 

* * *

 

Hope sends them off with bags of homemade food that they’d probably blow through within a week. After all, neither of them had been able to get a hand of cooking.

They’re putting it all in the fridge when Sirius nods to Remus and finally calls James, who picks up after the first ring.

“You absolute fucking piece of shit wanker, we’ve been worried sick! What were you doing in Wales of all places?”

Sirius, who’d been ready with a comment about proper greetings, falters, “How did you know we were in Wales?”

He can practically hear the eyeroll over the phone. “‘Cause we have each other on Find My Friend, idiot. Now tell me what’s happening, or I swear to-“

“Woah woah, calm down there, Prongsie. We’ll tell you but er,” he looks to Remus for security, who’s listening in as its on speakerphone, “it’s kind of a long story so we’d rather tell you all as a group? We’ve got a rather big announcement to go along with it as well, so why don’t you and the gang just come over for dinner tonight?”

James says a few unintelligible things and a few intelligible but rude things, before there’s some fumbling and Lily speaks. “Sounds good, boys. But this better be good.”

“It will be, Evans. See you tonight.”

He and Remus share a grim look. Well, they were in it now. Phase Two had begun.

As neither of them were cooks, their dinner party consisted of getting a pizza delivered and calling a handful of their close friends over. They might even bring out a few board games if all goes well.

It looked to be going that way, as Sirius has thus far avoided direct contact with James other than the man frowning at him when he nonchalantly took his coat at the door. Actually, he and Remus have been doing a fair job of acting like the elephant in the room doesn’t exist, sidestepping mentions of their disappearance effectively. They were however putting an extra effort to touch more often, and Sirius knows it hasn’t escaped anyone’s notice.

Two hours in, Sirius allows himself to relax, sipping his mug wine and pushing further into the couch while throwing a leg over Remus’. The latter is too deep discussion with Mary about Jane Austen’s sentence structure to notice, and Sirius listens half-heartedly until he’s distracted by Peter tapping his coaster against his mug.

The room quiets automatically other than the music, and Peter reddens from the sudden attention. “Hey guys,”

He hadn’t meant to pause but Sirius can’t resist, “Heya Pete!”

Everyone similarly offers greetings, making Peter blush even further.

“Right, thanks. Um, I just wanted to make a little announcement, at least before we all talk about whatever the fuck Sirius and Remus are hiding. Actually, it’s kind of because of them that I feel comfortable telling you all this? That and the er, community, that I’ve found online.”

Remus and Sirius both share a look, and they both stare confusedly at James, who looks just as clueless and slightly panicked. What announcement? What online community?

Peter had gone to a different university than the three of them had and, guilitly, they had somewhat switched him out with Lily, made worse when they’d added on Marlene and Dorcas upon meeting them in college. Mary too, was from when James and Sirius lived together, as she was their neighbor. While they still retained the friendship, out of fond memories more than anything else, Peter had become the odd man out in their circle. And it was fine, for the most part that they didn’t fully connect anymore, except when they had no clue what he was talking about.

“I just want to let you all know that I- I identify as an incel.”

Like now.

“It means involuntary celibate, cause like I’ve not had much luck with birds for a long time now. And I realized it’s not my fault, you know? Er,” Peter stops talking, looking down at his socks.

The music that had been playing lightly in the background now seems jarring as everyone goes silent, not sure of how to respond that. Lily reaches over and mutes the speaker.

Sirius sneaks a glance at Marlene, who has a reputation for looking murderous at the best of times, and now looks to be on the verge of socking Peter in the face, only held back by her girlfriend holding her hand tightly. He wouldn’t blame her to be honest. He has a half mind to do that himself.

The room is still silent, and Sirius can _hear_ the anxiousness rolling off of Peter from across the room.

Remus suddenly clears his throat, and he puts a hand on the knee that Sirius has slung over his. With one look, Sirius knows what he’s about to do, but he doesn’t have time to react, “Well while we’re announcing things, we might as well tell you all the real reason we disappeared on everybody for four days.”

Sirius shifts to face Remus, mostly so that he doesn’t have to face everyone else just yet. He places his hand over Remus’, clutches it and takes a deep breath.

“We eloped.”

Everyone’s quiet again, but they’re shorter to bounce back from it this time. Mary cheers, Peter sputters, and Lily’s loud exclamation of “ _you_ _guys!_ ” almost covers up Dorcas and Marlene’s bickering over bet money and James’ high shriek. Soon they’re all getting up to hug them, barely even letting them stand up.

They repeat the cover story they’d rehearsed two times through before everyone (barring James and Lily) leaves, though Marlene kisses both their cheeks sloppily and Dorcas harps again on what exactly the time was when they got together. Mary helpfully tugs Peter out with her, but loudly claims that they need to throw another _proper_ party in celebration on her way out.

Remus is happily flushed when he closes the door behind them and turns back to the couch.  Sirius smiles back, “Well that went better than expected.”

“Of course it did!” Lily replies from the floor. She’s bright red and smiling wider than usual, meaning she’d had a decent amount of mug wine and was half-past tipsy.

Sirius snorts and plops down on the couch above her. He feels just as drunk.“I’ll admit we were preparing for the worst.”

“Hey James, can you give me a hand? It doesn’t look like either of them will be any help tonight.” Remus quips, and Sirius and Lily loudly boo as James laughs and joins him in the kitchen.

Sirius sets about french-braiding Lily’s hair, who leans far back in enough to make upside down eye contact. “Yes, Evans?”

“You look way too relieved buddy. What were you expecting? Us to throw rocks at you?”

He loses his grasp of the strands of hair he was holding at that, caught off guard by his own laughter. He forgot how abrupt Lily could be when she was wine-drunk. “I know. And it’d hardly be fair for Dorcas to be homophobic.”

Lily makes a encouraging noise so he keeps going, “I guess we just anticipated a little more shock? That’s what I was nervous about at least, that you’d all start poking holes and asking questions that we don’t have answers to.”

That part was truer than Sirius was willing to admit. Sure he and Remus had rehearsed the plan several times before the party, but there was still an element of fear that he wasn’t used to. After all, their pranks didn’t usually involve outright lying to their friends. He still wasn’t sure he wouldn’t break the second James made proper eye contact with him.

“I guess we weren’t as shocked cause we knew on some level that this’d happen some day. Sure, I certainly didn’t expect the eloping bit, but that too seems pretty on the nose for you guys. You both have always been too in love to see sense.”

“What?” is all Sirius can breathe out, as he tries to process.

Lily shrugs, using her scrunchie to tie the braid Sirius had just abandoned, “Well yeah. You’ve both been pining for each other since I can remember, I’m just glad it’s all finalized and stuff. I mean, it’s always been the two of you. James and you have a special bond, Sirius, you know that,” she starts motioning with her hands now, really getting into it, “but with Remus it’s like you both elevate and become better just with each other’s presence. You just complement each other. In a way, you’ve already been kinda married and I’m glad you realized it as well! The whole pining business was getting kind of old to be honest. It’s been wearing on us, James especially.”

She gasps, finally taking a breath, and turns around fully. “Oh my god, that’s why he’s been so stressed lately isn’t it!” She points a finger at him, poking him hard in the knee, “You and Remus have probably been bugging him with your lovey-dovey worrying bullshit! Fuck, that’s why he’s been so weighed down by thoughts of marriage and the future lately, I know how needy you lot are!”

She keeps going, jabbing his knee a few more times for emphasis but Sirius tunes her out and lets her come to her own conclusions, focusing instead on her earlier words. _Always been too in love to see sense_ ; _pining for each other since I can remember; it’s always been the two of you._

He turns around slightly, where Remus is currently in a dish towel fight with James, laughing and getting water everywhere. When he catches Sirius looking Remus grins at him, nodding his head slightly as if to check on him. Sirius can’t control the answering grin that pushes through any anxiety he’s feeling.

It’s always been the two of them.

 

* * *

 

It’s Wednesday, the day after the dinner party. To think, just a week ago he was in the dark about the true intensity of his feelings for Remus, and was content with that. Well, not really. It kind of tore him up inside each time he looked at his best friend, but. A week ago he hadn’t been forced to confront that yet.

He takes a deep breath, and raises his hand to knock on James’ door. Before he has the chance however, it opens, and his fist is a hair away from James’ face. He doesn’t look very surprised to see him, but he doesn’t look too pleased either.

“I’m not going to lie to you,” Sirius starts, halting before he can go any further. He’s suddenly forgotten everything he was supposed to say, plus the entirety of the English language apparently. In his defense, he’s not a morning person and it’s eight a.m., which is far too early for big confessions.

James sighs, and motions for him to come in, and they’ve barely sat down before everything is suddenly spilling out of Sirius’ mouth.

He tells James about how he’d told Remus about The Pact, who came up with the idea of faking an elopement. How they’d rushed into making it believable with the party yesterday.

He’s quiet when he finishes, and is almost shocked when James just shrugs. “I don’t know man, it was lowkey shitty of you to make it seem that I’d missed the chance to be your best man.”

Sirius gapes openly, “You’re not mad?”

“Your heart was in the right place, so?” He shrugs again, “Consider us even for that time I told you Cher died.”

That made Sirius’ mouth shut. He could live with that.

James continues, “Plus, I get to take credit for you two finally figuring out your feelings for each other. Now _that_ was a relief.”

Sirius coughs, “About that.”

James stills, the grin that had been climbing on his face morphing halfway into a confused frown.

“We’re not really together, it was just an act for you guys.”

James lets out a loud theatrical sigh, before leaning forward and pointing at Sirius. Sirius leans back to avoid it. “So what, he still doesn’t know? Even after last night? There’s no way that was all pretend.”

Sirius fidgets, leaning back to avoid James’ finger. He and Lily were already so much alike it’s scary. “I don’t know what to tell you.”

“No way,” James shakes his head, “nope, you guys were way too comfortable in a way I hadn’t seen before last night. It was just this side of too convincing, Padfoot. Something definitely changed.”

“The only thing that’s changed is that this whole experience made me realize that whatever I feel for Remus is much _much_ more than just a stubborn crush.” He makes a face. “I think- I’m in love with him.”

James considers for a moment, before getting up and fumbling through one of the kitchen drawers. He returns with a pen and a notepad that has the number and mascot of a plumbing company at the bottom, that he sets down in front of Sirius before clearing his throat.

“New pact, and no bullshit this time. You tell Remus you’re in love with him, _for real,_  and me?” He smiles, almost bashful, “I’m going to propose to Lily, with no obstacles to hide behind. Deal?”

Sirius thinks about Remus’ grin, how easy being with him was, and the feeling of having his heart in his throat when he almost kissed him at the cottage in Wales. Years worth of similar memories come rushing with it.

He puts his hand in to shake James’.

“Deal.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> title song is from "drunk" by anteros. also used for inspiration was "tumse hi" from jab we met cause the songs in that movie slap!. thanks so much for reading! you can find me on on @lupinblacks on tumblr.


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